Be Happy

People always tell me that I have a contagious smile (I'm not really sure that its true, but I'll take their word for it). My uncle tells me "you're such a happy person, every time I see you you're smiling." I think that's the biggest compliment he could ever give me. I think life is too short to be miserable and to be sad. I like to smile, and be happy, so I try to laugh at things that would otherwise make me mad, I'm quick to forgive because holding grudges is not healthy, and I try to do as many things that make me happy as possible. So when I saw this quote it really struck me and I thought I would make a post just to share it. BE HAPPY!!

Finally

So it has been brought to my attention that I have been noticeably absent from the blogging scene, and for that I apologize.

I have indeed been slacking a bit I suppose. So since my last blog, I officially finished at UCSD and now have a bachelors in International Studies-Economics. I have read about 5 books from my list, and I have been working an insane amount of hours at the bank, hence my absence.

Now that I have finished with school (for now) I am embarking on my new adventure, the real world, which includes working 40 hour weeks. I feel lucky that I already had a job after graduating, since many are not so lucky, specially in a bad economy with high unemployment.

Along with working I also hope to get involved with a non-profit and start working to really make a difference. I also need to start looking into grad schools, and all that fun stuff.

Just thinking about it all makes my head spin, but in a good way, I'm excited that the months ahead are going to be so busy. So here goes nothing, my chance to go out there and, as I read in another blog, "fail beautifully." Or as Samuel Becket put it:

ever tried
ever fail
no matter
try again
fail again

fail better.

"My books look sad; Can books look sad?"

image by Ming Ngoc Ngo

The quarter is coming to a close and my time at UCSD is almost over. I'm excited to begin forging my own path in this world, I'm an artist in front of an empty canvas. Even more exciting to me is that I get to finally read some books that aren't required for a class. I love to read, to get lost in other worlds, immerse myself in another culture, another city, another time.


I've been stacking up books that I have yet to finish, and some yet to start hence the title of my post, I think my books are starting to feel neglected (kudos if you know where the quote is from). I also have a list about a thousand miles long of books that I want to read, I started the list a couple of years ago and since I'm in school almost year round the list has only grown and grown, and now with the year coming to a close I'm just giddy to be able to finally make a dent in my long list of books, I'm so ecstatic there are no words to describe it.

Starting to Live Today

(image found here)


So I am a bit of a control freak. I like to plan for everything, that way there are no surprises. This need for me to control things probably explains why my upcoming graduation has been freaking me out. Ever since we were little our parents plan for our future, we plan for our future, we know that after kindergarten there will be elementary school, and then middle school, and then high school, and then university, and then...? We spend so much time planning for our future that we never learn how to live in the present. I spent all of high school working hard and getting good grades in preparations for college, and then I spent all of my college years working hard so I could be prepared for... the real world?

Now that graduation is coming up I am supposed to actually start living in the present, because I can no longer plan for the future. My life is supposed to start. I am supposed to start living and no longer trying to stay 10 steps ahead. Ok technically I can, but I can no longer be as accurate as before, the future is no longer crystal clear. I am losing this supposed control and it is scary!!

So right now I am trying to enjoy my last weeks left at UCSD, really enjoy them, no longer preoccupied with the future and with what it may or may not hold. I am trying, against every grain in my body, to live in the present because I have lived worrying about the future for so long that I have neglected to truly enjoy the present.

"Today is the youngest you will ever be, so act like it" -- AJ from AJ's Playhouse(a local morning radio show)

Singing in the Rain

So lately I have been searching for inspiration about something to write and have been coming up empty. Not that there has not been anything happening in my life as of late, simply that I don't feel ready to write about what has been going on in my life lately.

So I stumbled upon this picture and it gave me the inspiration to write something.


I love the rain, unfortunately San Diego isn't exactly known for being a city were it rains a lot. In fact it rarely rains in San Diego. I don't know what it is about the rain that just makes life feel so comforting,there's something magical about rainy days. I love the sound it makes when it hits the roof, I love the way the lights reflect off of it at night, I love the smell of rain... I think you get my point, I love the rain.

Sometimes I wish I could take time out of my day to just stand outside with an umbrella and enjoying the rain fall, just like the girl in the picture.

"Second Star to the Right and Straight on Till Morning"

There are days when the idea of growing up terrifies me, no... correction, it petrifies me. Graduation is right around the corner. The weeks are flying by, it feels like someone has pressed the fast forward button on the remote and I can't seem to find a way to make the weeks slow down. I can't believe that college is coming to an end, I still remember freshman year like it was just yesterday. I have developed a love-hate relationship with school, loving and hating every minute of it and I wouldn't change any second of it. Looking back on my college years I can see that I have grown so much from that scared little freshman. School used to intimidate me so much, and now I walk into school and all my classes confident, with the knowledge that I can take on whatever the professors may throw my way.

Despite this new found confidence in school, I can't seem to find it when it comes to going out into the real world. I still cower, cringe, and shudder at the idea of being done with school and graduating soon. I still sometime wish I could be like peter pan and wendy and fly off to never never land. This idea is fleeting though, it comes and goes, because while the idea of never having to grow up has been romanticized by Disney, I start to really think about it and realize how much I would miss if I spent my whole life running away from life.

Life will happen, whether you want to or not. So I've decided I am going to plant my two feet firmly on the ground and be ready to tackle whatever life throws my way.

Survey Says...

Name: Lourdes Date: 4/9/2009 Colorgenics Number: 20145637

---

You are trying to establish yourself and make an impact despite the fact that everything around you seems to be against you - putting up barriers, but don't be unduly concerned: you have the right ideas and come what may, they will soon be manifested and appreciated.

You are willing to try anything once. You 'need to be needed' and what is perhaps more important you 'need to need.' You can only feel close to a person or persons when you feel you can trust them, but this trust needs to be proven to you.

Being a very proud individual, you tend to hold yourself aloof pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain and pleasure. This is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional individual, one that may make a hasty decision and perhaps regret it at leisure. It is time now to break the bond of detachment and be the 'you' that you would like to be - give vent to your emotions and enjoy yourself.

You are feeling trapped by the situation as it stands at this time and what is more, you feel powerless to remedy it. You are stressful, angry and disgruntled. You feel that everything that you try to do to change the situation is thwarted and your hopes and aspirations all seem to be receding into the ever distant future. You have reached the state where you now doubt whether your dreams will ever be achieved and this is not only causing mental stress but heartache. You need to get away from it all - you need to have time to think, to recuperate, to be able to make your own decisions. (I feel that this is the only paragraph that doesn't really apply)

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

http://www.goldinuniverse.com/

I was pretty shocked at the fact that the majority of this was right, I thought that it was interesting as well so I decided to post it. Do my choice of colors really say that much about me? Who knows, but it was eerie how much of it was really on the dot.

Be Yourself, FEEL!!

An excerpt from A Poet's Advice by E E Cummings

A lot of people think or believe or know they feel—but that's
thinking or believing or knowing; not feeling. And poetry is
feeling—not knowing or believing or thinking.

Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single
human being can be taught to feel. Why? Because whenever you think
or you believe or you know, you're a lot of other people: but the
moment you feel, you're nobody-but-yourself.

I found Cumming's words interesting because he is so right!! We live in a world that is continuously trying to tell you how to act, what to wear, who to be. The media even defines what is beautiful for us. How do you know who you are if you are constantly told what to be. So today allow yourself to feel and discover who you are.

Just the Road and Me

I was never in a rush to get my driver's liscence, I was scared of driving actually, but now 5 years later I have actually learned to love driving. I drive about 40 to 50 miles everyday, going to school, work, and back home. Driving has become an escape, it is the most relaxing time of day for me. Even when I am sitting in traffic, I still enjoy it. The sunny days, the windows down, the breeze flowing through my car, and my music playing through the stereo, it just makes me happy. There are days when I just want to drive and drive and drive, with no specific destination in mind, just drive until my heart is content. The road has become an escape, I used to hate driving, but now it has become this place of zen. It's not hard when I have the beautiful San Diego as my backdrop, it's hard not to smile when the sun is shining and reflecting off the ocean and the buildings of downtown San Diego.

A Cup of Tea

A cup of tea always helps me study. I should really be focused on studying instead of writing on this blog but a distraction is always nice. So here goes my rant about tea.I love tea almost as much as I love coffee. I love drinking tea when I'm cuddled on my couch on a rainy day. Tea is the perfect companion to a good book. Tea on a bright sunny morning. Tea is so relaxing, it can slow down the day, and it makes me feel so grown up, haha. Today my bag of tea had a quote on it, it said "a friend is, as it where, a second self"--Cicero, i thought it was cute and it made me smile. So today take some time to slow down and have a cup of tea, it will surely put a smile on your face!

*image found here*

Insecurities

So I'm a very insecure person, though I like to think that I hide it well. I'm never happy with the way a paper turns out, never happy with how any assignment really turns out for that matter, just never satisfied thinking that I don't measure up. I'm always thinking "what if it's not good enough?" "what if I'm not good enough?" I'm slowly learning to embrace these insecurities, to see them as something positive. Never being happy with an assignment is what makes me such a perfectionist. So I stumbled upon the following quote:
"life is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. the moment you know
how, you being to die a little. the artist never entirely knows. we guess. we may be wrong,
but we take leap after leap in the dark." agnes demille

I found the quote on this very inspiring blog (it's a must read!!! Girly with just the right amount of cheesy, and we can all use cheesy in our lives, my favorite where the posts where she writes to her "dreamy-husband-to-be," she's a hoot!!) and i thought it really spoke to the way I feel, to how I'm always unsure, and to how I'm becoming better at taking leaps in the dark, maybe not leaps, small steps, but eventually they will be leaps. I've never liked not knowing, I like to be in control, because the more in control the less surprises there will be, if I know then I can never be caught of guard. However, there is something exciting and almost child-like to making everything up as you go along, it's innocent and fun.

I've become better at embracing the unknown, at welcoming it into my life with open arms. With graduation around the corner life is become less and less clearer. Suddenly, I am haunted with what feels like a precipice to no where, my next step is not there. My path had always been clear, and now I feel like Hansel and Gretel, and I'm stuck in a dark forest wondering where the bread crumbs went. Who ate all the bread crumbs that had clearly marked my path for the past 21 years?

So now I'm making my own path as I go along. I'm applying to grad school but the question that keeps haunting me is "what if I don't get accepted?" Again, my insecurities getting the best of me. So instead of wondering if I'm going to get in, I've begun to embrace the unknown, taking it one bread crumb at a time.

Something to Look Forward To

I love fridays because that means that the weekend is just around the corner, wooohooo!!!! This weekend is supposed to be sunny and warm, unfortunately I'm going to be stuck studying for finals. However, seeing as how it is going to be sunny and warm, I think that I'm going to enjoy the nice weather and study in my backyard for a while. I can enjoy the sounds of nature. I always like sitting in my backyard, it's a place for quiet, a place of solitude, somewhere in which the world just slows down. We live in such a fast-pace world that never slows down, and if you don't keep up then you get left behind, having a place to just enjoy the quiet and the calm is much needed, there are no expectations when it is calm and that can be very refreshing. Maybe some time in the quiet outdoors is just the motivation I need to finish out the quarter strong! So this weekend I am looking forward to the nice weather and enjoying some quiet, peaceful time outdoors.

Once finals are over I think I'm going to take advantage of the beautiful weather and drive to the beach. While I love the peace and quiet in my backyard, there is nothing that compares to the peace and calming feeling that come from hearing the tide crash against the rock, the murmur of the waves, the smell of the air, and the refreshing feel of the wind against your face. Ah! Just thinking about it makes me feel calm already!

Sometimes...

Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed I start daydreaming and think...

Right now though, I would love to just get lost in a good book, 2 more weeks, and then I get a break and I can start reading books of MY choosing, yay!!! I'm so excited!!

School Supplies

I have a love of school supplies, I love a new notebook, and pens, ooh I loooveee pens!! Black ink, and gel only please, haha. I'm always excited for a new quarter because I get to buy new school supplies, and I also get to buy books, I absolutely love new books, well all kinds of books, I love everything about them, specially their smell (yes I know, I'm weird). Along with new books I love journals, so the other day i stumbled upon this shop of this person that makes hand bound journals and some of them she does with new yorker covers and I thought "I must have it!" so I bought one, and I'm so excited, I will be checking my mailbox everyday!!!

Here is what my journal looks like, I can't wait!! It's a person opening up a bookstore, and the neighbor just bought something from amazon, gotta love the irony!!

A Pink Dolphin!!!

This is probably the best thing ever (ok, i'm exaggerating) , but it's a real life pink dolphin!!! For a girl that loves pink this is so awesome. You can find the article that explains this wonderful anomaly in science here.

Here Goes Nothing

So I've decided that I will attempt to blog. I find this hard to do because I'm not one to ever really talk about myself. At least it can serve as another tool I can use to distract myself from the task at hand, like writing a paper or studying for a test. I guess this can also be a place where I can put my totally random ideas, thoughts, and fun random stuff that I encounter. So... here goes nothing :) .