Insecurities

So I'm a very insecure person, though I like to think that I hide it well. I'm never happy with the way a paper turns out, never happy with how any assignment really turns out for that matter, just never satisfied thinking that I don't measure up. I'm always thinking "what if it's not good enough?" "what if I'm not good enough?" I'm slowly learning to embrace these insecurities, to see them as something positive. Never being happy with an assignment is what makes me such a perfectionist. So I stumbled upon the following quote:
"life is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. the moment you know
how, you being to die a little. the artist never entirely knows. we guess. we may be wrong,
but we take leap after leap in the dark." agnes demille

I found the quote on this very inspiring blog (it's a must read!!! Girly with just the right amount of cheesy, and we can all use cheesy in our lives, my favorite where the posts where she writes to her "dreamy-husband-to-be," she's a hoot!!) and i thought it really spoke to the way I feel, to how I'm always unsure, and to how I'm becoming better at taking leaps in the dark, maybe not leaps, small steps, but eventually they will be leaps. I've never liked not knowing, I like to be in control, because the more in control the less surprises there will be, if I know then I can never be caught of guard. However, there is something exciting and almost child-like to making everything up as you go along, it's innocent and fun.

I've become better at embracing the unknown, at welcoming it into my life with open arms. With graduation around the corner life is become less and less clearer. Suddenly, I am haunted with what feels like a precipice to no where, my next step is not there. My path had always been clear, and now I feel like Hansel and Gretel, and I'm stuck in a dark forest wondering where the bread crumbs went. Who ate all the bread crumbs that had clearly marked my path for the past 21 years?

So now I'm making my own path as I go along. I'm applying to grad school but the question that keeps haunting me is "what if I don't get accepted?" Again, my insecurities getting the best of me. So instead of wondering if I'm going to get in, I've begun to embrace the unknown, taking it one bread crumb at a time.